I breathe in, I breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. In, out.
I am truly embarrassed at my so called “talent”. I use to think I was good at drama, but then again, when you’re madly in love with something as much as I loved drama; you always think you’re good, right?
It hurts when you find out that you aren’t as good as everyone said you were. I reread that musical list at least five times, each and every time I was thinking I missed my name.
I walked myself home from my friend’s house, refused the ride because when I’m upset I walk; it gives me time to think, and cry and get angry and ask myself questions. Well, as I was walking I stopped myself and asked “What feeling is stronger; the one you get when you’re on the stage performing, or the one you get when you fail an audition?”
My answer? The feeling when I’m on the stage.
It’s a strong feeling; a combination between happiness, nervousness and excitement.
I want to say I’d like to still keep going with drama. I’m obviously not that good if I didn’t get in, and the “Oh, you’re only a sophomore.” thing? Bullshit. I hate that term. It still hurts the same as if I were a junior or a senior. I know I still have two more years, but maybe I don’t?
I really don’t want to quit drama, and I really hope I won’t. It’s the only thing I ever really enjoyed doing. First semester isn’t even over yet, and already my year has ended. There is nothing left for me in drama.
I’m being immature about this, and I’m sorry. I guess I can’t take rejection well. I’m also complaining, which isn’t a good trait to carry. This should make me stronger, and it will, but right now I feel weak, useless and untalented.
I have no clue what my skills are, for the ones I thought I had, have been proven wrong. What the hell am I suppose to do now?
Nothing.
I’ll still have my friends, but the thought of not being able to do one more production with my best friends that will be gone next year still hurts. I feel so useless.
I’m sorry.
I’m done now.
I love you (:
No comments:
Post a Comment